Determining Physical Custody – How Does the Court Decide Who the Child Lives With?

by: Ed Brooks

If there is one subject that tears at a parent’s heart it is the issue of custody. Determining who gets custody and visitation is different in every case. There is no exact formula to follow, but there are guidelines and principles you will want to follow to make sure that your child gets the best possible arrangement.

I often hear people discuss custody when they have no idea what the meaning of the word is. Is it any wonder then that people are so confused and scared about this? So let’s define what we are really talking about here. There are two types of custody that the court considers: (these are generalizations, not legal definitions)

• Legal Custody – The right to make decisions regarding education, medical care, dental care, and religion.

• Physical Custody – This is the right pertaining to where the child typically resides.

When both parents have these rights it is considered “Joint” Legal or Physical Custody. Even if the living arrangement isn’t an equal split, the parent with less time can be deemed to have Joint Physical Custody.

No matter what type of Legal and Physical Custody (sole or joint) are granted the visitation schedule needs to be worked out. Read that again then come back. What most people are talking about is the visitation schedule (sometimes referred to as a parenting plan) not custody. While custody does have certain rights, parents almost always have the right to visitation with their children.

First things first. If the parents can come to an agreement, they can draw it up and the court will likely accept it as is and simply file it because it meets the needs of all parties and the court doesn’t want to interfere if it isn’t needed. However, if the parents can’t come to an agreement, the court considers how much visitation time a parent will receive, and is guided by the “best interests of the child." This is where you get do your homework and really build your case. If the child is an infant and the mother breast feeds, fathers’ visitation is likely to be short daytime visits. If one parent lives out of state, the visits are likely to be holidays and summers. If the parents live close to each other, the child is healthy, 7 or 8 years of age or older, and both parents work normal schedules, it is highly likely that an almost equal schedule can be reached. You should be seeing some practical patterns emerge at this time.


Finally, let’s look at how the child’s wishes affect the outcome. It is a myth that if a child is 12 the court will do what they want. There is no magical age and no guarantees. When the court interviews the child, they do so privately. What the child says is kept private and is not shared with anyone. The court will take into account the situation of both parents, the age of the child and how mature they are, and what the effects of the child’s wishes would have on the relationships of the child with both parents.

You can see that there are many factors that the court must weigh before making a decision. There are no hard and fast rules and no one can predict the outcome. But you can put forth a reasonable argument based on your circumstances if you know what the court is looking to accomplish.

Unwanted Toys - 16 Ideas For What To Do With Them

by: Chloe Alice Wilson

Knowing what to do with unwanted toys can be the biggest stumbling block when it comes to taking action to get rid of these house cluttering items. Children grow out of them or they did not like them in the first place, for whatever reason, every household has a pile of toys that no longer see the light of day. If every time you look at the ever growing mountain of abandoned toys you quickly walk by or close the door, take heart, finding a better home for them is easier than you think. So where do you start?

Firstly you need to consider which toys should really go in the rubbish and which can safely be given away. You should not give away: v

* toys which are at the end of their useful life
* soft toys, unless they are new or in as-new condition
* toys which have suffered significant damage.

In other words only give away toys in a condition that you yourself would buy. If you have the original packing or manufacturer’s instructions give them away with the toy.

Secondly you need to decide whether you want to GIVE your unwanted toys away or make a bit of spare change from selling them.

The following 11 ideas cover donating your unwanted toys to worthy causes:

1. Donate to Charity Shops

Pop into your local charity shops and ask if they accept second hand toys. Don’t be offended if they don’t because due to health & safety regulations it often costs the charity more money (in terms of staff time having to check for loose threads/parts/batteries etc) than actually buying them brand new. If they will accept your donations do not forget to sign the Gift Aid declaration form, to boost the value of your donation by 28%.

Charity shops obviously benefit the charity they are supporting, be that children’s charities, medical charities etc. If you would prefer your toys to go directly to less fortunate children ideas 3-11 may be more appealing.


2. Donate to Charities Online

By using the Ebay For Charity initiative, you can sell your unwanted toys and the proceeds will be sent directly to the charity. Items being sold for charity are identified with a distinctive ribbon symbol along with a description of the charity that will be receiving the proceeds of the sale. Buyers place bids for these goods in the usual way, knowing their money will go to a worthwhile cause.

JumbleAID is another online answer to your mountainous toy problem - they let you post adverts for your unwanted toys (and other things) online and anyone can pledge a donation for them. It is free and easy to use and all of the funds raised go to your chosen charity.


3. Donate to Hospitals

This is only really appropriate for new toys due to safety/infection concerns but sometimes we all find toys that our children received two of or perhaps some that they were not so keen on that never left the box.

4. Donate to Childrens’ Homes

Children in homes are typically older so when considering which toys would be suitable go with an average age of about 14. Find your nearest home using a service using an online search to see if these children could benefit from part of your unwanted toy stash.

5. Donate to Women’s Refuges

Women’s refuges help hundreds of thousands of women and children escape domestic violence each year. Often they flee their homes leaving all of their possession behind. Find the number of your local Domestic Violence service online through an organisation such as Women’s Aid, to offer your help through your used toys.


6. Send Your Toys To Orphanages Abroad

There are many orphanages, child health homes and day care centers abroad who are in need of toys. Some encourage you to send your toys, old and new, to improve the lives of these children as well as monetary donations. To find addresses of orphanages that do accept toy donations, search on Google for “send toys to african orphanages” or “chinese orphanages” or something similar and find their donations page. Some only accept monetary donations but you can find addresses if you are persistent.

7. Donate to Family Centres

Contact your local Social Services Department to see if they know of any family centres near you that will take and get good use from your second hand toys.


8. Ask Your Local Church

Ask your local church if they know of families who could benefit from your unwanted toys.

9. Donate to Special Needs Schools, Playgroups or Nurseries

Find your nearest special needs school, playgroup or nursery and ask if they will accept second hand toys.


10. Donate to Toy Libraries

Toy libraries offer services to local children, families and carers based on regular toy loan for a nominal fee (and sometimes for free). Contact the National Association of Toy & Leisure Libraries online to find a library nearest to you.


11. Use The Freecycle Network

Freecycle is an online network of groups that match people who have things they want to get rid of with people who can use them. Their goal is to keep usable items out of landfills. Find your local group from their website and send the details of the toy you are offering in an e-mail. All items must be offered for free.

The remaining 5 ideas cover making a few pounds from your second hand toys to help in the current gloomy economic climate:

When selling your second hand toys you must be aware that all second-hand toys sold or supplied in the course of a trade or business fall under The Toys (Safety) Regulations 1995 which requires that they must be safe and bear the CE marking.

1. Sell Them On Ebay

Sign up with Ebay, an online auction and shopping website, where you can advertise your unwanted toys for sale and interested buyers will make bids if they are interested in your item.

2. Sell Them On Craigslist

Sign up online with Craigslist, a centralised network of online communities, and submit a free online classified advert for your item.

3. Sell Them At A Car Boot Sale

Look in your local newspaper to find the location of your nearest car boot sale, usually held over the weekend. Make sure you turn up early to ensure you get a pitch. You will have to pay a fixed fee for setting up your car boot in the sales area so make you sure you take enough unwanted items to make it worth your while. Portable tables or blankets are a good idea to take with you to display your goods on.

4. Organise a Toy Swap Party

Arrange with other parents a time and a place for everyone to bring their unwanted toys and the chances are all items will change hands very quickly. The downside to this is that you will not end up decluttering your house of toys but you will get some new toys for free.

5. Rent Them Out

Find an online toy rental service, such as Zilok, and make some money by loaning out your unwanted toys by the day.

Start DeCluttering Now

As parents it is a daily task to try and keep on top of the toy chaos that surrounds us. Decluttering the house of unwanted toys is a logical way to restore a bit of order and get part of your home back. Hopefully at least one of the above ideas will work for you and you will feel better knowing another child is benefitting from your efforts.

What ideas do you have for dealing with unwanted toys? Have you tried them and if so, were they successful? I’d love to hear your comments and examples.

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Internet Safety for Kids: 10 Guidelines to Help You Protect Your Children Online

by: Jamie Jefferson

Many kids these days are technically savvy, and their abilities on a keyboard often develop more quickly than their ability to recognize a potential threat. A young person's innocence and natural sense of trust can put her into dangerous situations, especially online, where everyone is virtually anonymous.

Here are ten tips to help you protect your kids when they are using the internet:

1. Install a filter or firewall so that your child can't access potentially harmful sites. It's easy to find filters that are low-cost and even free. Start your search on CNet, which catalogs a number of filters with a variety of features for a child's different ages and stages.

2. Don't leave your kids alone in front of the computer. Allow them to use the Internet only in a common area of your home, where you can see the sites that they are visiting and the types of activities that they are engaged in. While it's important to have a filter on your computer so your child doesn't stumble onto the wrong websites, it's also important to not rely on that filter 100 percent. Some filters don't always block everything, and your child may even have the technical savvy to work around it. You still need to monitor what they are looking at.

3. Let kids know to never give out their name, phone number, address, email address, or password. They should know never to give information that could identify them in any way, such as the school they attend. Make sure they know to ask your permission before entering their email address in an online form or registering on any website.

4. Bookmark family friendly websites or save a link directly to the desktop so their favorite websites are one click away. That will save them from stumbling on the wrong website because of a typographical error.

5. Enable the security settings of your favorite search engines. Google, for example, has a SafeSearch option, which will block websites with sexually explicit content from appearing in the search results. You'll find this option by clicking "Search Preferences" from Google's main page.

6. Keep your kids from triggering malicious popups by using your browser's popup blocker settings. You might also consider disabling Java, depending on the kinds of sites your children visit.

7. Consider creating a family email address (instead of allowing individual ones) so that you can access and monitor emails.

8. Let kids know the importance of not opening emails or downloading attachments from senders whom they don't know. If you allow your kids to use email and instant messaging, reiterate that these services are ways to connect with their existing friends and not a way to make new friends. Emphasize that they should not reach out to strangers online or answer emails from people they don't know. And if they are approached by a stranger online, they should let you know immediately. Instruct your kids to let you know right away if something unexpected happens on the computer (if they get a popup asking them for personal information, for example, or if someone whom they don't know sends them an instant message).

9. Emphasize that, just because something is published on the Internet, it doesn't mean it's a fact. Give children and teens guidelines for discerning which sites are trustworthy and give them examples of sites that you turn to for trustworthy information.

10. Teach your kids what to do if they feel scared or threatened when they are online. Make sure your children know that they can come to you with any problem.

Breastfeeding Tips for You and Your Baby

by: Katherine Nagy

Breastfeeding can be termed as the most effective way of creating a perfect bond between a mother and her child. Breast milk helps in the mental and physical growth of your baby. It also increases the baby’s immune system. It can be considered a natural way of protecting your baby.

Breast milk is naturally the most perfect food for your baby. Although it takes time learning how to breastfeed, you will be rewarded if you are persistent. However, it is a fact that some woman simply cannot breastfeed due to medical conditions or the baby not latching on for one reason or another, so don’t be disheartened if you can’t.

When you are breastfeeding, your baby’s mouth should be covering the entire areola; sucking just the nipples will make your nipples sore and your baby will not get sufficient milk. This is one of the most common problems but also the easiest problem to fix that many woman have.

Another reason why woman give up on breastfeeding is pain. Although your nipples might very well scab and crack, this is very normal. Quite often, your nipples will actually bleed. This should cause no alarm because this is fairly common as well. There are many products that are actually made specifically for this reason. Lanolin works remarkably well to repair cracked or sore nipples, which in turn relieves the pain.

In order to ensure your baby grows healthy and strong you will have to take special precautions with what you consume. Medications can pass through your breastmilk as can alcohol and drugs. Always consult your doctor prior to taking any medication and drink alcohol in moderation – none is best. It is better to be safe. Being conscious about your health will have positive effects on your baby as its immune system develops.

When your baby is small, he is totally dependent on you for everything. Breastfeeding is one of those times when you are providing your baby with a necessity as well as sharing a bond that no one else can replace. Enjoy these moments now, as they become far too quickly, memories.

The Benefits Of Massaging Your Baby

by: Tony Luck

Both babies and parents benefit from baby massage.

The Benefits To The Baby:

- Massage will help to relax baby and relieve pent up tension and frustration.

- Massage has been shown to provide relief from colic and other problems related to digestion.

- It improves circulation and boosts the immune system by moving the lymph around.

- Its therapeutic benefits help relieve the pain of teething.

- Babies who are regularly massaged are more friendly and alert when awake and are more receptive to hugs and cuddles in later years.

Premature Babies particularly will benefit from massage.

- Premature babies who receive massage whilst in hospital are allowed home on average 6 days earlier than non-massaged babies.

- When premature babies receive standard hospital care they appear stressed, their pulse rates increase and their oxygen levels fall; however, when they are massaged, the opposite happens, pulse rates fall and oxygen levels rise.

- Massage is used in many special care baby units.
The Benefits To The Parent:

- Massaging baby will aid bonding.

- Studies have shown that parents experience a fall in stress levels when they regularly massage their babies.

- Working parents who are able to massage baby soon after they return home from work will enjoy quality time with their little one which helps them ‘switch off’ from work, relax and reconnect with their family.

Where And When To Massage

You need a warm room, minimum temperature 25 C. Babies lose heat quickly when uncovered.
Choose a room on your own away from distractions like the television and other people.

Don’t massage when baby is tired or has just had a feed. Wait until at least one hour following a feed otherwise you could cause baby to bring up her food. However, don’t wait until just before a feed is due either as she could be too hungry to enjoy the experience.

You can begin massaging as soon as you like after baby’s birth, but don’t massage around the navel area until the umbilical cord stump has fallen off – normally four to seven days after birth.

How Long Should A Massage Take?

About 20-30 minutes. A baby is not very big so half an hour will be enough to completely massage baby.

If possible, include a massage in baby’s daily routine.

If this is not possible, even three times each week will be beneficial.

The Oils To Use

Oil will help your hands move gently over baby’s body without causing friction.

Use natural oils such as extra virgin olive oil, almond oil or grape-seed oil as these are easily absorped by the skin. The use of essential oils (aromatherapy oils) is not recommended unless directed by a trained aromatherapist.

Massage Pressure

Babies are fragile! As a guide, close your eyes and rub your eyelid. This is the maximum pressure you should use when massaging baby.

Other Points

- Baby will become very slippery when massaged, so be very careful when picking her up afterwards. It will be rather like picking up a piece of wet soap!

- Do not massage baby if she has a temperature.

- If you suspect baby has a nut allergy, use an oil that is free from nut products.

What Next?

There are a number of books and videos that show you how to massage baby, or some clinics have classes in baby massage. Our site also has a step by step description of how to massage. It is not possible to show this here as it involves images.

Wooden Toys Are Great Baby Gifts

by: Ned Marx

Still wondering what baby gift you can give to your child, to your niece, or to your friend’s son? The solution is very easy. You can go with books, cribs, clothes, and other stuff. But if you truly want to make children’s childhood really memorable and special, give them toys. With that being said, give them toys that would really stay with them throughout their childhood. If you are still wondering what type of toys that will definitely last a whole childhood, one word: WOOD.

Wooden toys are perfect presents for a baby shower gift, a birthday or a simple family get-together. One reason is the nonexistent threat of toxicity that is ever present in toys made of plastic and metal. Toxicity is big concern when picking toys for infant and toddlers, as they would tend to chew on their toys for long periods of time, especially teething babies. Another upside in picking wooden toys for children is that you can actually have it modified according to your specification. A wooden doll house or a wooden horse with matching names of its owners is great ideas for a personalized baby gift.

Durability is also a good reason why you should pick wooden toys over metal and plastic ones. Plastic toys are easily open to wear and tear damage and metal toys are vulnerable to bending, twisting, and moisture, which can cause rust. Rust can cause serious health problems. On the other hand, wooden toys are easy to maintain and with a little care and polish, they can last an entire childhood and can be preserved to be handed down to the next generation. What great gift can a parent give than a toy that has been with him or her during their childhood.

Say you have decided on making a wooden toys as part of your baby gift basket, there are certain things you need to look out for before making a purchase and give to a child. For one, make sure that what you pick does not have any removable sections or parts that can be a choking hazard. Toddlers have a penchant for wild and active imaginations, so pick wooden toys that aids them in this department. Toys such as wooden horses and cars, dolls and doll houses, and a few others fire up the imagination of young children. Such type of play also goes well with the cognitive, motor, and emotional development of children.

Always keep in mind that play will always be an essential part of person’s childhood, as most of the important lessons and skills are learned during this phase. It is during this stage they learn to explore the world around them learning to express themselves, and learn to bond with their families and with other children. Wooden toys provide features that really help children make most out of this stage in their lives. Durable, safe, and possessing the aspect of craftsmanship, wooden toys simply ranks as one of the best gift ideas one any person can give to children.

10 Ways for Single Parents to Create NEW Dreams with Your Child

by: Laura C. Ries

Are you stuck in a rut? As a single parent this is very easy to do. There is so many things that need to get done, there never seems to be time for fun, much less time to create the life you’ve always wanted for you and your child. Here are 10 ways to get you started on the path to having that life.

1. Picture it! Make a collage of images that represent what you want in your life. Make this a family project. have your child make one, too. Talk about what is on each of your collages

2. Frame it Get frames for the collages and hang them up in your bedrooms so you can see them every day.

3. Be Aware Be open as well as search for opportunities to do what is on your collage. They are out there if you pay attention and act on them.

4. Little Reminders Buy paper sacks and pack lunches. Draw little designs on the bag. Put a note of encouragement in your child’s. Even put one in yours. Get into the habit of pointing out the good.

5. Talk about it Ask your child what he would like to do/have. Allow him to express opinions and preferences. Ask him when deciding on what to eat, what to wear, even where to live. You get to know him better and he begins to learn how to make his dreams come true. Even if some don’t work out like you planned, you can always create new ones. You are empowering your child.

6. Childhood Memories List Make a list of things to do before your child grows up. How about flying a kite in the spring? Spend a rainy afternoon making paper hats or paper boats.

7. Small pet What about a pet? Does your child want to be around animals? You could start out with something small like a hermit crab or a fish. Help your child decide by going to the library and getting books on the pets you think you might like to have.

8. Revisit Your Childhood Memories. What childhood memories are your favorite? Share them with your child and do them. Did you ever make butter from cream? Did you know you don’t need a churn to make butter? You could put cream in a jar and shake it until your arm gets tired. Then shake it some more.

9. Try Something New Be open to trying things that aren’t on your list. I read about bubble tea in the paper and thought that sounded interesting. So I made plans to take the kids to try it. It was interesting and we talked a lot about the experience. And we now look forward to when we can go again.

10. Celebrate One of the best parts of accomplishing something is to celebrate. This can be as simple as dancing around the house or ringing a bell. Or for some of the bigger victories, you can plan a party or treat yourself in some way. This is your life. You get to create it. What are you choosing?

Help your Teen Daughter Develop a Healthy Body Image

by: Aurelia Williams


"I'm fat!" "I'm ugly!" "I have nothing to wear that doesn't make me look gross!"

Despite all your pep talks and positive reinforcement, you can't seem to get through to your daughter. She's unhappy with her appearance and convinced that everyone else is looking at her with judgment. You're sad that she's so one, too focused on her physical appearance and second, doesn't appreciate her unique beauty. How do you help your daughter develop a healthy body image?

Healthy self esteem comes from the inside. As much as we would like to be able to pour it into our kids like a bucket, it isn't that simple. However, there ARE ways we as parents can help:

Studies show that girls who play sports have a more positive body image than girls who don't. It's important for girls to play sports or do some kind of challenging physical activity so that they learn to appreciate their bodies for what they can DO instead of only what they look like. This is very important. If your daughter isn't into soccer or tennis, how about martial arts, ballet or dance? Learning to carry oneself with pride and a growing sense of accomplishment as one meets challenges is how self esteem is built.

Try a reality check. Look at fashion magazines with your daughter and talk about how the photos are airbrushed and how the models are made-up by a team of experts. The reality is, no fashion model or actress actually looks like that when she wakes up in the morning! Help her understand that these images are not "real". You may want to place a limit on how many of these magazines you allow your daughter to read. They can have a negative impact on a young woman's self image.

Emphasize good health over looks. Not every body type has the genetics to be a size 2, but you can be healthy and feel great at a size 12. Taking good care of our skin and hair helps us glow from the inside. Girls need to find their comfortable weight and love themselves for who they are instead of comparing themselves to others. Emphasizing nutrition and exercise will help your daughter maximize her natural assets. Healthy and happy is always in style.

Help her pick out clothing that is flattering to her body. Girls want to wear what everyone else is wearing. Unfortunately not all cuts are becoming to all body sizes and shapes. Find some good books at the library that show you how to dress for your body shape. Wearing the right colors for your skin tone, hair and eye color also helps you look your best.

While you are working toward building your daughter's image, remind her siblings and father that teasing, name calling and rude comments about their sister's looks will not be tolerated. Avoid watching TV programs and movies that emphasize physical beauty too much or that promote a disrespectful attitude towards women and their bodies.

Finally, if your teen is overweight, institute an exercise / healthy eating program as a family. Start going for walks or runs with her, begin a sport together, join a ladies only gym. Getting active and exercising regularly boosts the mood and encourages more activity even before the weight starts to come off, creating a positive cycle. An overweight teen is going to have a low self image in our thin obsessed society. Work together as a family – it will go a long way in helping your teen daughter develop a healthy body image.

10 Tips For Single Parents to Move On And Get Ahead

by: Laura C. Ries

For some, it takes a while to figure out what to do after a divorce. The idea of facing life and raising children on your own had never even been a thought, and now it is a reality. Here are tips for enjoying your life right now.

1. Breath, take time to relax. I know this may sound strange, but if you pay attention, you might find that you are holding your breath. Your body will be able to deal with stress better if you take time to breathe deeply. Also you can tighten your muscles, then let go to help relax.

2. Be Thankful. Get a notepad or journal. Each day write at least 5 things you are glad is in your life. Here are some to get you started. Your kid, your health, the car started, you have something to wear, and your job.

3. Hug your kid. This is good for you and him or her. I can’t think of a better way to start the day.

4. List what you liked about the old relationship. There was something or you wouldn’t have been in it. Then look for opportunities to have that in your life right now from a different source.

5. List what you didn’t like about the old relationship. How did you play a part? How can you better recognize this so you don’t allow it back into your life?

6. Give away items you have that are reminders of the old relationship. Enjoy the space or fill the space with what you enjoy. This is a good time to breathe again!

7. Have Fun! Set aside a bit of time and money for fun activities. Try something you’ve always wanted to do.

8. Ask. There is so much information to be had. People want to share what they know especially if you approach them with can you help me? Find out how other parents are solving their problems.

9. Get out of your rut. Try something new every day. This can be as simple as changing the order you get ready in the morning, or taking a different route home from work. Or go see a late show in the middle of the week.

10. Volunteer. There are people who need your skills and talents. And I have found that I get so much more out of volunteering than the people I am helping.